Archive for August, 2010

Playing Live

August 30, 2010

A few months ago I struck a possum on my drive home from work, and was  quite upset about it, because of my strong kinship with all living things.  I sent out untold apologies to the spirit of this creature.  I began to think of the big picture, and wondered how much right we as humans had to even build these roads in the first place.  After that night my sightings of wildlife increased exponentially increased, and I almost had the feeling that these other creatures were watching me, keeping an eye out for me.  This was confirmation of my bond with the possum, a sign of his forgiveness.  Although in recent time I realized another very big similarity between me and the possum. Both of us were hiding, playing dead.  The number of possum deaths in evidence along our country roads would suggest to me, that they choose the most inopportune moments to play dead, a defense mechanism that ultimately brings about an untimely end.  Playing dead is denying life.  I spent a lot of time in the past few months living someone else’s life, wanting to be the nice guy, starting to forget what it meant to be me.  I was deciding to let my job control me, only doing what the person I was with wanted to do, not listening to my own wishes or desires.  Pretending I didn’t have my own life, I would always give out second chances where they were undeserved, try and tell myself this was it, that I was happy.  In the past few weeks I have once more stepped out of the shadows, and find myself in the company of awesome friends, new and old, that will not hesitate to give me a swift but somewhat gentle kick if I get stuck on this path again.  I will listen to my own advice for once, breaking the sk, unlimiting my perception, rising like a phoenix, and creating a more full symbiotic relationship between myself and everything.  Following this path, coupled with the love I have for those around me, family members and soul friends, I can accomplish anything.  My final words on the matter of this is:  Don’t ever let someone make you play dead.  When you play, play it live!!  🙂

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Ever New Experience

August 30, 2010

The other day in my travels I stopped by The Bagel Works for a delicious tomato dill bagel with veggie cream cheese and a pomegranate limeade.  While enjoying my food I soaked up the downtown sights outside and began to write.  Here’s what I came up with:

Everyday I experience a newness, as if the world is constantly re-creating itself.  The city noises aroudn me never follow the same pattern and all the tastes and smells of the local food become exotic.  Taste doesn’t linger like a memory.  The only thing that stays the same is the fact that I am the observer in this.  But even I change from day to day.  Did I shower?  Did I brush my hair?  And if I did brush it, how did I brush it?  What am i wearing?  Is there a reason why?  Am I alone or with friends?  Going on in this manner, I begin to wonder how important the answers are.  The experiences themselves are key and outweigh the questions or the answers.  I just like to let life live.

Thin Air.//

August 24, 2010

On a night of epic fun, fogged up car windows tell stories made of thin air.  It makes me wonder what kinds of memories the previous owners might have had in regard to this metallic beast.  Did they sit and talk at odd hours of night as we do now, heavy 90’s rock in the background?  Did they drive aimlessly as we sometimes do, just for the sake of living? Although there is no such thing as true life for a creature made of such mishmash as a car is, all experiences, past, present, and yet to come, no matter the owners give it a special life  Hands wander over the foggy windows as our conversations taper off, all random curves and distorted smileys, a stray word here or there.  Truths that don’t need validation appear on the glassy canvas, and although the words are destined to fade with the power of the defroster, the message will not be forgotten.

A ghost story

August 16, 2010

You ask me if I've seen a ghost. That all depends on your definition. I don't necessarily believe in ghosts per se. I believe that there is some sort of spirt in just about everything natural. And I tend to see the word haunted in reference to a place, as a word denoting a lack rather than a presence of something. Something was there but has moved on to a new place. The eerie feeling we get in a haunted house is some kind of residue of past events. The term ghost also tends to evoke in me something gone by. The glimpses we catch in said haunted houses are merely visions of past events, at least in my mind. Or a window to another place, something you can't touch. Spirit on the other hand, is always flowing around you, in all aspects of life. I will not be able to honestly say that I have in fact seen them, but I seem to have "gifts," abilities of a psychic nature with which I can feel the constant flow of energy. I can sometimes see shimmers of free spirit beings, able to make out general locations and sometimes outlines, but never able to fully see and comprehend forms they may take, but all the same I know they are there. I can sense good intentions or bad intentions from someone, and I can sense strengths and weaknesses. But all these senses are in basic outline form, so as such, I do not see.

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Setting the Scene: Where I Live

August 14, 2010

Disney’s California Adventure

Once upon a time, in the idyllic countryside in close proximity to a nuclear power plant, there lived a fine young man named Craig. Craig was 23 years old, and full of dreams and ambitions. Freshly acquiring his diploma with a Bachelor of Arts in English, he still lived in the same house he had lived in since his first birthday. It was grayish in color with green shutters. It housed many memories, as well as his mom and a dog. While he was not 100% happy with being dependent on his childhood home, he was not an unhappy lad. "There are worse places to be stuck," he would say from his reading perch on the deck, "but I would feel a lot better if they shut down that damn nuke plant." Craig hated his job cashiering at the local Hell Mart, which infringed on the beauty of the area, and was slowly but surely trying to bankrupt entire communities, with their lousy pay and their despotic management system. Ever since his final year of High School he had been telling everyone he was going to see the world, and experience constant adventure in all aspects of his life. Had that happened yet? It would seem not, or this story would not exist, now would it. But one thing he did know for certain: Something big was coming, and it would change everything about his life.

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The One Who Got Away

August 14, 2010

Futures (58/365)

There always seems to be an idea that the one who got away has to be a person. In my experience as a human, I have felt such feelings at one time or another, but truth be told, the one who got away always seems to be a story. Amidst five completed pieces of writing, I have untold numbers of fragments, incomplete or unsatisfying stories, and stories that can't be finished because the ideas have already been taken before i could write them down. I remember I had a conversation with a friend once, the day I got the last Harry Potter book, and she said to me, "I hate JK Rowling, she stole my idea." I understood what she meant all too well. I had an idea for a story, and ended up watching a certain movie or reading a certain book, and thought "way to ruin my personal creative process." Dejected, I would just stop writing for a while, stare morosely at an empty page or a blank computer screen, wait for inspiration. Sometimes I would manage completing some song lyrics or a poem, and at other times I would write a few words and find myself unable to go on, knowing that I myself had wrote that same piece a few days before. I ruin my own ideas sometimes it would seem. As paradoxical as it sounds, it makes so much sense, why else do the last few Stephen King books sound so familiar? And coming from someone who writes mostly single page poems, how easy would it be for me to remember every single piece that comes out of my brain? Not that easy. One or two of my bigger story ideas come back to the foreground of my mind once in a while, but they still end up fleeing into the far distance. But I have the feeling, they can't run forever.

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When the Lights Go Out after a thunderstorm, what do you do?

August 13, 2010

Storm ~ 4 of 4 photos

It greatly depends on where I am when it happens. If I'm at work when it goes out, and it has gone out there fairly often lately, they don't let us leave and make us sit around until either our shift is done, or if the power comes on. I'm glad they pay me to just sit around, but I'd rather not be twiddling my thumbs. I wanna be home reading a book, or trying to write more pages in any of my all too incomplete tales. Which brings me to the next point. If I am at home when the power goes out, I will be reading or writing, unless it's a reasonable hour, and I might just want to take a walk. This also greatly depends on where home happens to be at that point. One time the power went out in my dorm, I could think of nothing better to do than walk, and living in a dorm, no matter what time it is, it is always a reasonable time to take a walk. Of course the question also denotes a thunderstorm that is still happening while the power goes out. I will only hunker down with my book in this case, if nothing interesting is happening with the storm. There is sometimes nothing better than watching nature's fury. When the power is out I also seem to appreciate this world that much more not being distracted by the internet, the good parts and the bad, television, and every other device that requires the use of an electrical outlet. I have nothing against technology, or I wouldn't be on plinky right now, but our reliance on technology has reached the point of ridiculous. I find nothing more enjoyable than a nice stroll with a good friend, listening to the natural soundtrack supplied by the creatures in the woods, the wind in the leaves,, and the sound of our own footsteps. 🙂

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Past Life Experience

August 13, 2010

As I explore new corners of reality, becoming more attuned to what it truly means to be awake,  I have more and more been discovering connections that go beyond deja vu.  I spot people from afar, and can’t help but be intrigued and captivated, and want to know what their deal is, what makes them tick.  I have a talent for making new social connections lately, whether at work, on facebook, or just randomly at a local cafe, or at a concert.  Some of these become little more than mild acquaintances, while others become something a little more akin to the status of a best friend or confidant.  As I people watch, I have become able to sense others who see the world akin to the way i do, seeing with more than just their eyes, hearing with more than just their ears.  I’m not just interested in having these people in my life, but it’s as if I have already known them for a very long time, as in a past life.  Not all of these others become my friends, as I have already said, but those that I do become close with I refer to as my soul friends.  There’s a lot of talk about soul mates, finding your other half, the love of your life, that we don’t take into account that with the amount of facets to our human personalities, that we need more than one person to balance us out.  This is not to say that I am referring to romantic encounters, although I tend to say do whatever floats your boat.  (Haven’t heard that cliche in a while.)  Soul friends can be people you talk to every single day, or people you only hear from once in a grand while, but they are the people who give your life meaning.  Say I can have a conversation with my soul friend Steve on Tuesday and speak till four am, go an entire two months without seeing him, and resume in the exact same place on our next meeting.  They are the people who you could talk to and rarely find a break in the conversation or the lack of something to talk about.  They are the people I have always known, how else could I explain that all my greatest friends, I have known for much less time than people I just give off a casual wave to once in a while?  I find myself to be an old soul, so I am drawn by other people who seem to be deeper than their physical existence, others who are not impressed with “the real world” who are not afraid to stand outside the roles society dictates to them.  They refuse their lot as it were and create a world truly of their own design.  In a very human way, as soon as I discover new powers of a psychic nature nestled within me, I seem to doubt, but the more soul friend connections I make, the more confident I become, and the more attune I become to the true world behind the grand facade. You can take me or leave me, but whatever you do, do not fall asleep.    If we really want to benefit this world, we need to do it as ones who are awake.

This Beautiful World

August 5, 2010

The path to enlightenment

I'd say more recent time has dealt with me relearning things, if that makes sense. I finish up my degree after four and a half years of college, and am thrown into a world that lacks the structure or the support I am used to. So basically, I need to relearn everything I ever thought about the world. I landed a crap job in a factory through a temp agency. To be fair it was a crap job that paid well, but I'm surprised I even lasted the two weeks they had me temp for. The long term effects on the physical and mental health for anyone that works there, seem too great, to the extent that no amount of pay can make up for it. It is after all full of the fumes of plastic, loud noises, and people that don't know how to help you do things that seem really easy to fix. Oh what a human contradiction this job hierarchy is. Being in a position of authority above someone apparently denotes that you either know less about the job than the underlings, or that your job involves doing a lot less. Case in point, the job I got after that at Wal Mart. Many, but not all, of my supervisors are never around when you need them.

The entire idea behind the fact that they are supervisors, is that they will, "Supervise you!!" Isn't that a novel idea?" Nope. You are left to fend for yourself, in a job that needs very minimal supervision as it is, but the real kicker being that Wal Mart really has no idea how to train their employees. So we do an easy job badly. And then are blamed for it. I have to struggle to configure time spent with family or friends, time for myself, and a weird ass work schedule. I haven't had time to keep a consistent workout schedule, so when I got myself up on a mountain the other day, I relearned how much I like being on mountains. I relearned all the shortcuts that my feet can lead me on while exploring downtown regions. After becoming used to seeing most paths by car, it was a relief to find ways I may overlook while driving. I am reaquainting myself with most of the world's beauty. And even though I've been through a few major ups and downs lately, my potential future has never looked brighter.

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